And this is why I want a new job ...

For the past three and a half years, I've worked in a job that I love - mostly.  I love the people I work with; they are friendly, intelligent, and responsible.  They've put up with my mistakes, and pushed me to be a better worker each day.  I've loved the responsibilities; they've been varied to the point where I'm rarely doing the same thing two weeks in a row (if even two days in a row).  This job has allowed me to be creative and learn new skills - and forced me to do things I never would have dreamed I could do.  I love my boss; he's pushed me, supported me, encouraged me, and expected me to do my best.  He's broadened the way that I think and the way that I view things, to make me a better employee and a better person.

And now it is time for me to move on.  For quite a few reasons, actually.  Some more important than others, but all of them have played a part in my decision to leave.

• My responsibilities have changed.  The company I'm with has undergone a consolidation, or merger, this past year.  Most of my responsibilities have been parceled out to people "better designated" to do them.  And it makes sense, it really does.  Why should I plan the annual career fair, when we're gaining an entire Career Services department with the consolidation?  Why should I create all the event flyers when we're paying a graphic designer to do that?  It's all been whittled away; leaving me with only about 1-2 things that are mine.  I've done hardly 2 days work in the past two weeks - not because I'm lazy or because I don't want to.  Because there is nothing for me to do.  
• There's a lack of communication and promises being broken.  I had a promising job opportunity come up in December (it fell through), and I mentioned it to my boss to give him a heads up.  With the consolidation, he's no longer my boss, and has agreed to be a reference for me.  Next thing I know, my new boss (old boss's old boss) came in with promises that they are rearranging the organizational chart and moving me to a department-wide position.  The job title and pay would be the same, but I'd be reporting directly to the VP - giving me a nice boost on my resume.  The job fell through, but I didn't keep searching for another one, planning to give out the new position a try.  Two weeks ago a memo hit my desk (which is odd itself because our office never uses memos) with the new organizational chart.  Not only did they not put me where they promised, they actually moved me lower, so that I am on par with the temporary and student workers.  After not seeing or hearing from anyone for almost two months, I got that news through a memo.
• Essentially in the next few months I'll be moving offices, changing job responsibilities (to a glorified student worker), and changing co-workers.  It's a new job.  One that I didn't choose, and that I honestly don't want.
•  The hours are going to be ridiculous.  It's a student-oriented job; which means that I need to be available for the students.  Potentially, I could be expected to come in as early as 6 AM, and not expected to leave until midnight.  The position is salaried just so they don't have to pay extra for extra-long work weeks. 
• There is absolutely no room for growth.  The company has come out and said no raises or bonuses for the next 5-10 years.  There haven't been raises or bonuses in the 4 years I've worked here.  And with the consolidation, a new "pay scale" is being put in place.  You get paid based off your education.  There is a maximum that I can be paid with only a bachelor's degree.  If I got a masters, even if nothing else changed, I'd automatically in the system get bumped up the the next level of paygrade.  Which means it is actually impossible for me to move up in the office unless I go back to school.  While working salaried crazy hours.

I've reached a weird point in my job that if I stay any longer, it will actually be detrimental to me and any future job I might have.

So yes, I'm seriously looking for another job.  I'd leave tomorrow if I could.  (I'd actually quit if I could, but A. it's harder to find a job when you're unemployed, and B. I'm pretty sure you don't get unemployment if you quit - and we can't afford that right now.)

I've applied several places, and I'm still looking.  Hopefully I'll hear back from some of them and start going on interviews.  I'd like to have a new job by the summer.

Not much is going on ... if I weren't so sleepy I'd try to get some excitement in my life ...

John has a cold. 

Which meant that we had a quiet weekend and didn't really get anything done that we wanted to.  I spent the weekend in the spare bedroom since I didn't want to get sick, which made my body ache.  The bed is comfortable, but it's a twin, and Honey would rather join me and share the twin bed with me than John and the queen bed.  She's heavy enough that I can't move her without some major effort when she's asleep and doesn't want to be moved, so I end up sleeping in the weirdest positions because she's pushed me out of her way.

She's so spoiled.

Now we've started another week.  One bit of exciting news - I've been invited to be an Honorary Member of the Golden Key Honor Society.  Only students can be members, and since I'm not a student I don't qualify.  But I'm really excited about this - it's the first time this type of thing has happened to me!

John is enjoying his lab - he's so pleased at how much work he can get done in the lab.  As sick as he was, he still got up and went in and did some work in the lab on Saturday.  Seeing him so happy is wonderful.

Well, I'm hoping this is a slow week, but the only way that's going to happen is if I actually go get some work done.

A word of advice for the service industry ...

Don't be so snobby!

I'm planning an event for my company - about 200 people, evening reception at a fancy venue.

I'm calling around to get information from the various caterers in the area.  Once I have all this information, then I will decide who to ask to cater the event.

I'm calling and representing a large company - one that is very well known in the area.  It's not like I'm just a random person walking in off the street.

The questions I'm asking:

1. Are you available to cater this event?
2. Would you be able to work within my budget?

One of the caterers on my list responded with:

We don't discuss business like this over the phone.  I can email you our menu with prices if you'd like, and we can meet in person to discuss the event next week.

Umm ... what?

I'm calling because I don't have time to go to every catering business in the area to get one-on-one meetings.  I'm calling to see if I want to work with you!  Not to set up a face-to-face!

Needless to say, I crossed them off the list before I even hung up. 

Studying and Texting ... with the hint of baking yet to come

Yesterday was John's last day in the lab.  He starts his new lab on Monday.

Hopefully this new lab will be better than his old one.  He's still planning on going into his first lab, but he'd at least like a good lab rotation!

Meanwhile, he's been studying almost non-stop for his tests!  He had a test on Monday, and then has another one tomorrow.  I am so proud of him the way he's handling all of this.  The first few tests he took were hard for him - not necessarily because of the material (although that also is insanely difficult), but because it brought back flashes of medical school.  After his first test, we went to the park and walked for about four miles just to get away from everything so he could recover.

After Monday's test?  He felt great!  No test anxiety whatsoever!  I think he's finally put medical school behind him!

He's still enthusiastic about studying - probably because he can actually see the results of his studying while talking to classmates and taking tests.  It's gotten to the point when I have to call him to come home at night - he's so wrapped up in studying that he loses track of time!

Meanwhile ... I got a new phone!  One that finally has texting, so that John and I can keep in touch during the day.  I also have a few friends who all they do is text, so it will be nice to get back in touch with them!

I volunteered to make poundcakes for the GSO for a Bake Sale fundraiser they're doing end of November/early December.  That, plus the fact that I'm going to make poundcakes for all my co-workers and friends at church for Christmas ... I'm going to be busy baking!  Last year I found a relatively easy pound cake recipe that is utterly divine, or so everyone who has had it tells me.  Everyone who tasted it said that it was the best pound cake they'd ever had - one of my coworkers even started crying and said it was exactly like the poundcake her grandmother made when she was a little girl.

So ... my tradition (started last year!) is to make a poundcake for Christmas for gifts.  It's easy - people seem to like it - and is relatively inexpensive (although with the cost of butter and eggs ...).

I expect that by the time Christmas actually rolls around, I'm going to be so sick of poundcake!

A little bit of pampering

A few weeks ago, John mentioned to me that I never seem happy anymore. 

That really hit me between the eyes.  And started a few weeks of soul-searching.

There are so many things that I should be happy about - my husband, my dog, my house, my job, my coworkers, my brother.  Everything with us seem to be going well.

But I was dwelling on the things that weren't going well.  My parents have been having marital trouble - and I'm very seriously considering breaking contact with my dad.  (Not gonna happen right now, but considering it).  I've developed social anxiety over the past year or so that hits me sometimes with the force of a two-by-four.  I just recently found out that I have PCOS, and without treatment (and even with treatment), there's a distinct possibility that I can never get pregnant.  The medication for that makes me exhausted and nauseous, and honestly neither John nor I think its working.  I've gained about 40 pounds in the past four years, and have been feeling overweight and ugly.

John told me that he wants me to do things that make me happy.  To take care of myself, so that I feel better.

So ... I am.

I am focusing on things that make me happy.  I got my hair cut - and highlighted.  I've never had color put into my hair before.  And I love it!  I bought new make-up and am experimenting with eye shadow.  I'm not quite sure what I think about it, but I'm having fun looking different.  I'm proud of myself for figuring out how I want to look, and putting in the time and effort to get there.  I'm proud of myself for figuring out that by putting  a pinch of mousse into my hair, I can prevent fly-aways.  I've started counting calories, and keeping an eye on what I eat - the only thing in the past few years that has worked for me in losing weight.  Tonight I'm going to a jewelry party - hosted by one of the ladies in my church - where I will spend some money buying myself some jewelry that I like.

I've considered and looked into finding a therapist for my social anxiety, although I'm not going to act on that until after January because of work issues.  I've got an appointment with my Ob/Gyn in two weeks, where I'm sure we'll have a serious talk about my medications and some decisions will be made.  And I've handled learning that my sister-in-law is pregnant by crying in the shower for 30 minutes before getting a hug from John, and us talking about it, and coming to the realization that God is in control.  He saw it fit that my brother and sister-in-law have a baby, and that John and I have to wait a bit longer.  I just need to trust His timing.  And now I'm ready to be happy for her, and to get excited about becoming an aunt.  (John, by the way, is beside himself with excitement!)

I'm forgiving myself for when I make a mistake.  For when the house isn't clean, or the laundry isn't done, or dinner isn't cooked.  I'm realizing that John and I are in a unique place in our lives - that really no one else near us is in this place we're in.  As such, it's okay that I don't have any close friends to spend time with and talk with.  That will come later as God wills it. 

I'm thankful for God blessing my with my job - this job has opened up so many doors and the possibilities spread before me are astounding. 

Yes, this is a self-centered post.  This serves more as a reminder to me to focus on the things that are worthwhile; to take care of myself, so that I am better able to take care of others.  And to remind myself that it's okay to make mistakes - every day is a chance to do better and start over. 

And it's also a bit of a commitment.  That I will lose weight - I want to be down to at least 140 pounds by my brother's wedding.  That I will take care of myself, and not feel guilty about spending a little bit of time or money on myself.  And that I will forgive myself when I don't live up to the expectations I build for myself.

Little Bits of Drama

Here are some small dramas that are happening right now.
My Work:
I'm in the middle of a company merger/consolidation.  Thankfully I have a job afterwards, but that's not the case for everyone.  I'm working with various committees to make sure everything transitions smoothly; which I honestly enjoy since I like knowing the details behind things.  But that's not the drama.

The drama is that one side of the company (the one I'm on) backed out of a planned joint event at the last moment, and now the other side is offended.  The people on my side are frustrated and annoyed because the other side keeps harping on it, while the people on the other side hasn't been directly told why my side backed out.  I'm in the middle, attempting mediation.  I managed to get our side calm enough to agree to address the issue calmly at the next meeting.  Let's hope the other side can react in a similar fashion.  This particular drama has been going on too long.

UPDATE:  Another situation exactly like this has just landed on my desk.  Argh!  We haven't finished cleaning up the last one!

John's School:
Most of John's classmates are amazing.  Very intelligent people from all over the world, who have also been kind enough to "adopt" me into their group.  The fact that I make them cookies doesn't hurt!

But some of his classmates are causing trouble in the lectures.  Some don't show up to lecture at all, even though there is a strict attendance policy (3 absences = failure).  Others spend the lecture interrupting the professor with stupid questions.  For instance, the professor explains a picture on the powerpoint.  The student raises their hand and asks, "Can you explain that picture?"  Not even exaggerating.  That happened.

This seems apt.

Those questions mean that the professor can't cover everything the professor needs to cover for the test.  Those same students have been known to raise their hand and say, "Excuse me, professor, but class ends in 5 minutes.  Can you just tell us what will be on the test?"  AFTER they had spent the whole two hours interrupting with stupid questions so that the professor got behind.

John's Labs:
John is in his second lab rotation, and although he says it's a good lab, he doesn't think it's a good fit for him.  We've been having an on/off discussion over the past few days about what he wants and expects out of  a lab.  For some reason, even though we were talking, we weren't communicating, and both of us were getting frustrated with the other one. 

Thankfully, we finally had a breakthrough last night and were able to talk it out.  We're good now.


On a completely different note, John and I decided that I need to try various types of tea.  The only tea I've ever tried is the tea made in the south, and I do not like it at all.  It tastes and feels like flavored water, and often leaves a bitter aftertaste.

I do like Chai tea, but can't drink that all the time due to how many calories are in it.  (But if I could, I would.  So good!)

So, probably starting soon I'll be trying various types of tea to decide if there is a tea out there I can drink.  I wonder if there is a place nearby where I could get samples...

We Bought a House - Part Three

So, where were we?

We put an offer on the house the first week in May, with a closing date of May 24th - which just happened to be our 4th wedding anniversary!  Obviously it was meant to be!

Various drama abounded throughout the month ... after approving and entering into the contract, the seller became angry at her realtor for "letting her sell so low".  I worked on projects at work that required 60+ hours a week for two weeks, as well as tried to pack up the house and clean it and get ready to move!

John spent the month working his summer job, which changed from 20 hours a week afternoons to 50 hours a week days and weekends, as well as juggling finances to deal with the last minute costs of moving and the down payment.

But the biggest headache/project, was figuring out the flooring for the house.  Because they were not allowed to sell the house without flooring, the contract stipulated that we would receive $5000 to get flooring installed.  After much discussion with the banks, and countless hours at Lowes (we got to know the guys in the flooring department really  well.  They're awesome, by the way!), we decided to have laminate installed throughout the house, with carpet in the bedrooms.  There was a very cheap linoleum already in the bathrooms, so we'd leave that as is, and at a later date install tile.

The problem all came down to timing.  We couldn't get the money to pay for everything until the closing - but Lowe's couldn't order the laminate that we needed until they were paid.  The flooring had to be installed within a week of the closing, but Lowe's delivery time was about 2-3 weeks.  It wasn't happening.

John brought up the idea of Lumber Liquidators for the laminate; they had a store that he passed on the way to work.  We went over there, and they were happy to work with us.  We ended up putting all the laminate on a credit card, and then getting re-imbursed by the bank at the closing.  

We had also received permission to install the flooring ourselves - saving on the installation costs, and allowing us to get a higher quality flooring.  Between the carpet from Lowe's and the laminate from Lumber Liquidators, we spent the entire $5000.  

We closed late afternoon on Thursday, May 24th.  John wasn't able to get off work, so I went to the closing by myself, armed with my cell phone and my in-laws phone number.  (John's parents love working with real estate, and have bought and sold numerous houses.  They were super helpful giving advice throughout the whole process!).  I even called John's mom at one point during the closing because I got confused, and she was able to explain things to me much better than the lawyer.

So, we got the best anniversary gift ever!  A new house!

And immediately went to work.  We had a deadline to get the flooring in!

We spent Thursday and Friday evenings cleaning and sealing the floors throughout the house.  John's dad came to visit for a few hours on Saturday, and he showed us how to install the laminate.  My brother came for a few days to help us, and we spent the next 5 days working like crazy to get the laminate installed.  Lowe's came and installed the carpeting about half-way through the process.  

Ready for some pictures? 

Doesn't the laminate look nice?  Throughout most of the house, John did all the cutting with the saw, and I did most all the actual placement and installation.  My brother helped for a few days, and John did some installation in the trickiest parts.

We chose "Blacksburg Barn Board" as our laminate.  It's gorgeous!

The hardest part, I think was getting started.  We didn't really know what we were doing at first, and the fireplace tiles were interesting to work around.

Looking into the dining room.

We set up the table saw in the front bedroom instead of the garage to save the air conditioner.  It was already 90+ degrees outside - we saw no reason to air condition the garage!

We still had a long way to go.  You can see my brother in the top left.

Here is a shot after about the third night of hard work.  It's a bit hard to see, but the corner on the left goes into the Master Bedroom, and is a triangular shaped nook.  That plus the doorway made cutting the pieces to size a bit tricky.  I was so proud of John when he figured it out!

We're making progress!

Most evenings we brought Honey with us.  Since we were working like crazy, we hated the thought of her being home alone in the evenings as well as the days.  Plus, this gave her a chance to get used to the new house.  Of course, she wasn't too sure about the whole thing.

With no furniture, there's no place for me to hide from the loud table saw.
Except outside, but I don't want to go there in case you leave me.

She wasn't quite sure what to make of all this.  Whenever we stayed late working and she got tired (SHE got tired, lol), she'd go hide in a closet where it was dark and take a nap.  Several nights I had to go find her so we could go home.

Can we go home now?  It's bedtime.

It took John forever to figure out the closets.  I'm still not sure why, but for some reason it was complicated.  The fact that this was our 4th night of hard work and we were exhausted didn't help, I'm sure.

Almost there!  You can see the carpet has been installed by now, too!

With the carpet, we also purchased a new fridge and dishwasher at Lowe's.  John wanted to buy me a new stove instead of a new dishwasher, but I refused.  I can learn how to cook on an old stove as long as it works.  But I want a good dishwasher - the one in the other house had been annoying me since we got it.

Thankfully, he agreed.  And after a great deal of bleach and elbow grease, the old stove works just fine.

We left the linoleum by the garage door and laundry room, and will tile that later.  

I had to include this shot.  This was just after we'd put the last piece of laminate in.  It was 1 am, and we were so exhausted we could hardly drive home.  We still needed to do all the thresholds and put the baseboards back up.  And clean and actually move.  But the floor was in!

Hooray!!  I think we went to Sonic on the way home to get some celebratory milkshakes!

And finally:  some finished shots:

Looking toward the front door, with Honey

The front door, all finished

Looking toward the kitchen and eating area.

Even with just the floors done, the house was so much nicer!  Next up:  We're finally moving in!!

Epic long post detailing the best weekend ever!

What is it, Monday already?

So, this weekend was probably one of the best weekends we've had in a long time!  For me, it kinda started on Thursday.

For some reason known only to her, Honey decided to stay up all night on Wednesday barking.  John slept through it, thankfully, but she kept me up far too late.  So ... I called in to work the next morning and took Thursday off.  I spent the morning in my pajamas and did laundry and finished sewing Honey a pillow for her bed.  (Why?  I don't know.  She certainly didn't deserve it after keeping me up all night!  Still, it's soooo nice to have one more project checked off the list!)

I'll post pictures soon - Right now is an overall summary of the weekend.

So ... Friday came, and John had another test.  I went back to work, and spent the entire day working on a project that I've only just now mostly finished.  I made enough project on Friday to be almost giddy by the time 5 pm came around.  John was pleased with how his test went, and did not want to have a quiet evening at home.  So, we decided on a fun evening out.

First we drove over to Fred's to pick up some cheap pillows.  Pillow stuffing is expensive, but we bought four good-sized pillows at Fred's for $10.  Perfect for ripping apart and re-using the stuffing in a dog bed.

After that we made our way over to Chick-fil-A for dinner, and went to the movies!  We hadn't been to see a movie in months and months - I think the last one we saw was "Up" ... or maybe "Star Trek".  Whichever one came out more recently. (Edit:  Apparently they both came out in 2009.)

Even though I would have happily seen "Hotel Transylvania", John talked me into seeing the new movie "Argo".  Neither one of us knew much about it, but we'd seen the advertisement on tv about it, and read a few reviews about how good it was supposed to be.

It. Was. Amazing.  For the first time in my life I went to a movie where people actually applauded when it was over.  I will say that it's rated "R" for a reason - it's not a movie for kids.  But it's rated that way primarily for language and some violence - no gore or sex.  The acting was very well done, and the editing kept things interesting.  Definitely an amazing thriller, and worth the price of the tickets!

After the movie, we went to Target and bought a new tablecloth for the Dining Room (is it sad that that makes me super excited?) and then went to Cold Stone and got ice cream before heading home.

Saturday, we slept in, and then headed out for brunch at a new local restaurant.  It's only about two blocks from our house, and they opened close to three months ago.  John ordered their Shrimp & Grits, while I ordered a salad - not a very good "brunch" dish, but it was what I was feeling like.  The food was perfect - John's grits definitely tasted home-made, not processed; while my salad was the freshest I've had in forever.  John told me yesterday that that's his new favorite restaurant!

Since the weather was positively perfect (70-75 degrees F), we decided to spend the day working outside.  The flower bed in teh front of the house needed some love, and since neither one of us had any experience whatsoever with gardening, we decided to visit a few gardening shops and get some advice.

The first place we went had only herbs, veggies, and mums, and the workers there were distinctly unhelpful.  The second place ended up being a planter store, not a gardening store at all!  We finally gave up on the local business aspect and just went to Lowes.  After all, we only had the one day to get the flower bed taken care of!  We couldn't spend it all visiting shops!

After about an hour wandering the Lowes garden session, and a (very) brief consultation with one of the workers there, we bought some flowers, plants, garden soil, and tools, and headed home.  We started working in the 11x4 flower bed about 2:30 pm - and finished about 5:30 pm.  Not bad!  I then trimmed some bushes while John mowed the grass.  We were going to clean the house later that evening, but by the time 7:30 came around we were so sore we could hardly move!  I think we were in bed by 8:30 pm!

I have pictures of the gardening project too - that'll receive it's own post soon!

We spent Sunday recovering from Saturday - we didn't think we'd worked that hard, but both John and I are still so sore we can hardly move!  Still, we went to both the morning and the evening service at church, and after church last night went over to a building/business dedication.  The man that John has worked with for the past 2 years before he started school in August wanted to dedicate his building to the Lord, so most of the church went over there after the evening service to fellowship, eat, and pray.  It was fun - and we didn't get home until about 10:30 pm.

John's Bible study is at our house tonight - so we ended up frantically cleaning house until about 11:30 pm last night to make it presentable.  It still needs a little bit of work, but hopefully John can do some of that while I cook dinner.

And now ... life back to normal!  Only with a really cute front flower bed!  Yay!!

Waiting Waiting Waiting

I've spent all day today calling people and emailing people trying to get them to get back with me so that I can get some work done!

Now I'm having to stay late because someone never got back with me - and they're on their way over here now.  I'm just marking time until they get here and I can go home.

It's more than a little frustrating when your (large) projects get stuck in limbo because people aren't doing what they're supposed to do.

Okay, vent over.

John is studying, waiting for me to get off work.  Then we're going to go eat (depending on when we get out of here I'll either go home and cook or just pick something up) and then take Honey for a nice walk.  It's gorgeous outside!  And considering there are less than 6 weeks a year with beautiful weather here, we must take advantage of it!

After that we'll have a quiet evening of studying and crocheting.  I'm working on a queen/king sized blanket.  I'm hoping to complete it in time for my brother's wedding to give it to them as a wedding gift.  They're not even engaged yet, so I still have time!  I've only been working on it for, oh, five years now?

I am so tired of working on the thing!  I'll be glad to give it away.

It really is beautiful (before you start thinking that I'm giving something horrible to my brother and (future) sister-in-law)!  Various shades of blue in a variety of stitches that I may or may not have made up myself. 

Since it's so large, each row takes me anywhere from 25-75 minutes to complete depending on the stitch.  Thankfully, I've finished the most time consuming stitches, so now I'm down to about 25-35 minutes per row.  Still ... that's a lot of rows and a lot of time!

But I'm determined that I'm going to finish this blanket before I start any other projects.  Period.  Done.

Cooler Weather and Test Days

One test down ... one to go!

John seemed exceptionally pleased with how the test went.  He could hardly keep the grin off his face when I saw him after the test.  Although that could be because I was offering him some of the cookies that I made this weekend.  Gingerbread Orange Cookies.

I meant to make them for his classmates, but John and I ate so many this weekend that we didn't have enough for his classmates this morning!  So, I brought them into work for my co-workers ... and all the cookies were gone by 10:30.  And I'm still having people poking their heads in my office asking if there are any more cookies left.

I think I may make another batch.  And now not just because I have to take pictures!

We've been leaving the bathroom window open at night the past week or so - it's an easy way to cool the house down and air out the house.  But last night we had the first cold front of the season come through, and we woke up this morning shivering!  I'm totally loving the cooler weather!  I've made chili that is currently home cooking in the crock pot - Yum!!

Perhaps I'll be able to talk John into lighting the fire sometime this week!  

My car Really needs some cup-holders

John is home in bed, sick with a cold.  He doesn't get sick often, but when he does, he completely shuts down.  Since attendance in required in all his classes, he got up and went to class this morning.

We carpool - him to class and me to work.  For one thing it saves money on gas and parking!  Today he was planning on staying on campus all day, and then leaving when I got off work this evening.  Instead, he showed up at my office at 11 am asking if I could take an early lunch to drive him home.

I took him home, with a brief stopover at Rite Aid to get him some medicine.  He went to get comfortable while I made him some soup and set up the laptop by the bed in case he wanted to watch anything.  When I left he was just tucking into some soup ... hopefully he can rest and feel better soon!

Since my hour was quickly disappearing, I stopped at Chick-fil-A to get some lunch for myself, along with a Coke.  Which then tipped and poured its entire contents all over the front seat as soon as I turned out of the parking lot. 

At least I have the weekend to scrub the car clean!

To end on a happier note ... the house sold!  The closing went very well, and that is one thing off of our plates!  Yay!

This & That

Bits of Randomness:

Thursday is my favorite day of the week.  Wednesdays are still too far away from the weekend, while Fridays are too popular.  Thursdays are like the downward slope after you've just crested the hill at the end of your walk, but before you actually get to the end.  It's just a great feeling.


John's getting his first stipend paycheck this weekend.  We were super stoked to get that email.  What with various expenses this year, we've worked through the little we'd saved and been uber tight the past 4-5 months.  With both of us getting paid, we can hopefully start to build up our savings again.  What a relief!


My work has actually calmed down and gotten easier lately.  The busyness of the new school year is calming down, and this is my fourth year in this position.  By now, I've gotten most things figured out (although I'm learning that there is always something unexpected that pops up) in my normal work day.  Last year at this time one of my co-workers left for a promotion in a different company, and all his work was passed onto me.  Basically from September 2011 to June 2012 I was working both my job and his job - which was in an area completely out of my expertise.  Needless to say I was super stressed almost all of last year.  But now that they've hired someone for that position ... my life is much happier!


The house closing is tomorrow - we had an A/C contractor come out and actually fix the a/c for under $400.  And it works!  The house is actually cool again!  Of course, then we turned off all the power, so nothing works right now.  I'm going to miss that house - our first home.  But at the same time ... I don't think I could move back.


I gave Honey a dose of benedryl-laced peanut butter during lunch today.  Benedryl makes her sleepy, and I'm wanting her to be sleepy and calm so that we can cut her nails.  They are ridiculously long since neither John nor I like to cut her nails because it's such an ordeal.  That dog is strong!  We've found that the only stress-free way to cut her nails is to make sure she's very sleepy and worn out first.  So ... a day or so on benedryl, plus a few long walks equals shorter nails without bloodshed and bruises.  For us, not Honey.  Honey is perfectly fine as long as she doesn't completely freak out.  Which she only does when we don't "sedate" her.

Accepting Less than Ideal

I have this idea of myself in my head.  I'm always gracious, and kind, and thoughtful; an amazing cook who keeps a spotless house; a wonderful wife who is always there when her husband needs her; a working professional who always completes projects and fulfills responsibilities well and on time; a dedicated worker in the church, who is there whenever the church doors are open and constantly serving in the background; a friendly hostess who has a wide variety of friends who know they can always stop by for dinner, and I am glad to welcome them to my home.

In other words ... perfect.

And quite definitely not me.

John attends a Bible Study with other men from our church every Monday night.  They rotate which houses they meet in, and I generally welcome the nights when they meet in our home.

Yesterday I had an evening work meeting - after an already full day at work.  I got home late, threw a fit when John seemed hesitant to re-schedule friends coming over, and told him he'd have to fend for himself for dinner.  I then picked up the house briefly and spent the rest of the evening relaxing in front of Netflix while John went out (he did re-arrange the schedule so that the men would meet at someone else's house).

Ideally, I would have come home, made John something to eat for dinner, and welcomed guests into our home graciously.  Never mind that I was tired after working all day.

Whenever I do something that doesn't live up to my ideal picture of myself, I feel upset and discouraged - a failure.  Slowly, I'm coming to the realization that I don't have to be perfect; that I can't be perfect.  That there are more options than "failing" or "succeeding".

As I get to know who I truly am, not my idealized self, I can start planning and arranging life to build me up, not wear me down.

For instance, by looking at my schedule beforehand I could have recognized that I would be tired and ready to relax when I got home.  I could recommend that John go out to dinner with a classmate, or pick up something to eat at home while studying so that I wouldn't have to cook.  I could have requested that we swap times with another family in the Bible study last week, instead of last minute.

That would have given me the exact same results ... but instead of getting upset and creating tension in our home, the evening would have run smoothly.  No "failure" involved.