Studying and Texting ... with the hint of baking yet to come

Yesterday was John's last day in the lab.  He starts his new lab on Monday.

Hopefully this new lab will be better than his old one.  He's still planning on going into his first lab, but he'd at least like a good lab rotation!

Meanwhile, he's been studying almost non-stop for his tests!  He had a test on Monday, and then has another one tomorrow.  I am so proud of him the way he's handling all of this.  The first few tests he took were hard for him - not necessarily because of the material (although that also is insanely difficult), but because it brought back flashes of medical school.  After his first test, we went to the park and walked for about four miles just to get away from everything so he could recover.

After Monday's test?  He felt great!  No test anxiety whatsoever!  I think he's finally put medical school behind him!

He's still enthusiastic about studying - probably because he can actually see the results of his studying while talking to classmates and taking tests.  It's gotten to the point when I have to call him to come home at night - he's so wrapped up in studying that he loses track of time!

Meanwhile ... I got a new phone!  One that finally has texting, so that John and I can keep in touch during the day.  I also have a few friends who all they do is text, so it will be nice to get back in touch with them!

I volunteered to make poundcakes for the GSO for a Bake Sale fundraiser they're doing end of November/early December.  That, plus the fact that I'm going to make poundcakes for all my co-workers and friends at church for Christmas ... I'm going to be busy baking!  Last year I found a relatively easy pound cake recipe that is utterly divine, or so everyone who has had it tells me.  Everyone who tasted it said that it was the best pound cake they'd ever had - one of my coworkers even started crying and said it was exactly like the poundcake her grandmother made when she was a little girl.

So ... my tradition (started last year!) is to make a poundcake for Christmas for gifts.  It's easy - people seem to like it - and is relatively inexpensive (although with the cost of butter and eggs ...).

I expect that by the time Christmas actually rolls around, I'm going to be so sick of poundcake!

You should've come to my house at 6 pm last night

I meant to post this on Thursday, but it took me till today to get a picture.  

Last night was my very first Halloween.

My family didn't "do" Halloween when I was growing up.  We never decorated, we never dressed up, we never trick-or-treated.  In fact, I think I remember missing out on some of the halloween activities in elementary/middle school because of a note from home.

When we got married, John and I never really talked about Halloween, except to agree that we didn't want to do Halloween at our place.  That neighborhood was scary!  Any kids that we might get (and we never expected any - especially after dark) more than likely went to better neighborhoods.

But this year ... we have a nice house in a quiet little subdivision, and we knew that we'd get trick-or-treaters.  And we decided ... that's okay.

So, the first order of business was decorating.

Honestly, I love fall - I love the weather, I love the colors, I love just about everything fall.  I love getting my sweaters out of storage.  So, all of my decorations are Fall decorations - not Halloween decorations.

We didn't do much.  John and I went to the store and picked out two pumpkins for the front porch.  We were going to carve the pumpkins, but then got busy and didn't get around to it.  So, we've had some pumpkins sitting on the front steps for a few weeks now.

Next, we went and bought a fall wreath to hang on the door.  That wreath makes me happy every time I see it - red and orange and glittery!

Welcome!

That was about it. John had a study session last night, so he didn't come home in time for trick-or-treaters.  I'd filled two large bowls of candy to give out, and changed into a t-shirt with a big pumpkin on it, and that was it for me.

Unfortunately, I ran out of candy far too soon, but that's my fault.  The first 20-30 kids who came by got a large handful of candy, before I realized that I really should be stretching the candy out.  I managed to last a bit longer when I started giving each kid 3-4 pieces of candy, but I still closed up much earlier than my neighbors.  Oh well.

I'm a little bummed about it, but considering it was my very first time EVER?  I'll know better next year.

And as far as I'm concerned?  John totally missed out.

This time, it's different

I am feeling exceptionally optimistic today.  I'm sure part of it is just feeling well again, and part of it is the huge coke that I drank at lunch.  But another part is that it's Thursday, which means the weekend is almost here!  The weather is cooling off from the normal 90+ degree weather!  My job is more relaxed than it's been in over a year!  And now that both John and I are bringing in a paycheck, finances are not as pressing!

John is so happy in his program right now - even with the lab rotation not being quite to his liking.  He remarked at lunch today that he's been getting a lot of excellent study time in lately, and he's a bit concerned about not being able to sustain it and getting burnt out.  I told him I didn't think it was a problem.

He got burnt out in medical school.  In medical school he was told that he absolutely had to study every day all day - if he wasn't he was doing something wrong.  He had no control over his own schedule - it was always "study, study, study or fail."

Now, the only point is to get through the classes.  The classes are the basics before the labs, which are really important.  He study's for the classes, not for the purpose of studying.  He's in charge of his schedule.  He sets aside good chunks of time to get some studying done.

Yes, he's studying a lot.  But because he's keeping up with his schedule, he was not overwhelmed when he got sick last week and did nothing (school-wise) for three days.  He was able to go to church, to go to Bible Study, to play some computer games, to do extracurricular things.  Grad school is not ruling his life right now. 

There will be times when his blocks of study time are more or less effective than others.  That's normal.  But do I think his current schedule is unsustainable?  No.  Not as long as he continues to schedule the breaks and can get up and walk away from everything; to give himself a true mental and physical break from school; and come back refreshed.

That's what is different this time. 

I am so incredibly happy to see him succeeding, and being happy where he is.

Accepting Less than Ideal

I have this idea of myself in my head.  I'm always gracious, and kind, and thoughtful; an amazing cook who keeps a spotless house; a wonderful wife who is always there when her husband needs her; a working professional who always completes projects and fulfills responsibilities well and on time; a dedicated worker in the church, who is there whenever the church doors are open and constantly serving in the background; a friendly hostess who has a wide variety of friends who know they can always stop by for dinner, and I am glad to welcome them to my home.

In other words ... perfect.

And quite definitely not me.

John attends a Bible Study with other men from our church every Monday night.  They rotate which houses they meet in, and I generally welcome the nights when they meet in our home.

Yesterday I had an evening work meeting - after an already full day at work.  I got home late, threw a fit when John seemed hesitant to re-schedule friends coming over, and told him he'd have to fend for himself for dinner.  I then picked up the house briefly and spent the rest of the evening relaxing in front of Netflix while John went out (he did re-arrange the schedule so that the men would meet at someone else's house).

Ideally, I would have come home, made John something to eat for dinner, and welcomed guests into our home graciously.  Never mind that I was tired after working all day.

Whenever I do something that doesn't live up to my ideal picture of myself, I feel upset and discouraged - a failure.  Slowly, I'm coming to the realization that I don't have to be perfect; that I can't be perfect.  That there are more options than "failing" or "succeeding".

As I get to know who I truly am, not my idealized self, I can start planning and arranging life to build me up, not wear me down.

For instance, by looking at my schedule beforehand I could have recognized that I would be tired and ready to relax when I got home.  I could recommend that John go out to dinner with a classmate, or pick up something to eat at home while studying so that I wouldn't have to cook.  I could have requested that we swap times with another family in the Bible study last week, instead of last minute.

That would have given me the exact same results ... but instead of getting upset and creating tension in our home, the evening would have run smoothly.  No "failure" involved.